Sunday, October 01, 2006

I think my time has come. Hell await's.

After all the shit I have lived through, I think my time has come. OK, so I sin like a mother fucker yesterday, a LOT more than I usually do (I wont go into detail). So I wake up this morning and walk outside to my car, All the sudden I turn around and see a fucking huge rabbit in my driveway, HUGE. So I'm standing there stunned, because I live in Capitola, where these things don't just fucking wander around on a daily basis. Its early and I'm tired so this seems weird as fuck, so I'm staring at it when something crashes from the sky about the size of a golf ball, its brown and crumbling, all the sudden a massive black crow swoops down and starts gnawing at it, then he stops and stares at me, then I look up and another crow is on thetelephone poll staring at me. Its a creepy as hell stare too cause they are not looking away and making direct eye contact, miiiiiiiind fuck. At this point I start to wonder if I'm dreaming or if I actually shot up heroin yesterday. So I turn around and the fucking bunny vanished. Literally it was just gone, and it couldn't really hide anywhere. Its probably a sign from the Dev man himself that I'm gonna die soon. If I do die soon, make sure you all start going to church, ha ha.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Hunters Point, Gangland.

The events you are about to read took place 3 years ago while I was working on the set of an HBO gang series by famous producer Spike Lee. The show was never broadcast. We were working in San Francisco, in a African American community by the name of Hunters Point. To get an idea of how dangerous this place is, I will give you the information I received from the cops I was working with the day before, while working in a much safer neighborhood in San Francisco. In the safer neighborhood, the only excitement of the day was a few hispanic gang banger's knifing each other up the street, basic stuff, haha, right. The Caucasian police I work with claim they never so much as drive through Hunters Point, due to fear of being shot by, well, everyone. The production company let everyone know that they had the choice of working the next few nights, as it would definitely be life threatening. We were also informed not to wear any colored clothing. The next day we went to work at around 6PM. Not only are we in one of the worst neighborhoods in the US, but we are working nights, all night long. We finally arrive at Hunters Point, which is a community on top of a hill. We start the climb in our work truck, driving past many gang cars, getting eye fucked by everyone. Were not talking the good kind either, It's not the kind of glare you would get from a cute girl who wants to get down and dirty. Its the kind where they want your middle / high class citizen ass to bleed out on the curb from their ghetto shank or gat. I mean this literally, they wanted us dead just for driving into their territory. As we drive further to the top, we approach scenes strait out of a movie, ten gang bangers blasting rap in low riders sitting on the hood and all around the car rapping and calling each other niggers. Driving up there the first time and seeing this was one of the gnarliest things I had ever experienced. I had been in some extremely bad neighborhoods in my life, but this was the frosting on top of a Gothic weddings black frosted cake. To put it in simple terms, it was the ghetto version of Iraq. We arrive to the filming location, only to realize we are the first to arrive. We wait for about 5 minutes, and get eyeballed by everyone nearby. We decide its not safe enough to wait, so we drive out of the neighborhood to safety. When we return, we are escorted by 8 police officers with some of the crew. I feel a little bit safer until one of the cops tells me the locals might shoot someone just to say they shot someone who works in Hollywood. I laugh and tell the officer to shut the fuck up I don't want to hear that shit, as Im already fearing for my life. We get a few scenes off at the top of the hill, when a black muslim mafia group arrived that were hired to protect us. I think to myself ''the fucking mafia is protecting me, rad.'' They are packing some serious heat, illegally of course, but the officers don't care because they know their role is to protect everyone. As it begins to get dark, the tension rises, as all the nightly activity starts to become apparent. The majority of the neighborhood live nights and sleep days. Luckily, most of them are amazed and pretty excited we are there, a hollywood production in the ghetto of all ghettos. They had never seen this kind of thing, so they were very intrieged. At one point, I was wandering around, and found myself nowhere near set, and with no cops, or mafia. I was walking down the street when a young black girl approached me, around 16. I was surprised, because she was extremely hot, a beautiful girl. She was not dressed slutty at all either. We talked for a bit, and I told her to come with me back to set to check it out, she declined, as it was ''out of her territory'', and she ''can't wander over there or she would be killed''. I was shocked. So I walked her as far as she could go, and we stayed and watched from a distance, but close enough to see what was going on. As were watching, a few thugs approach us, my heart beat picks up, but its her brother and some friends, and they were cool to me. After 20 minutes or so I left after talking and telling the girl she should get the fuck out of this shit hole and become a model, because she was beautiful. She was super excited. I wandered back to set, looking at the houses, as I passes, noticing at least 30 bullet holes in each house, mostly on the doors. Literally, AT LEAST 30, and most windows were broken or boarded up. It mind fucked me. Once I reached the set, I stayed on the other side of the street, with the local onlookers. I began to talk to one of the gnarliest looking gangsters around. The scene they were filming was one dude shooting another, so after every take, the gangster would tell me, ''No no, that shit ain't how you done it, ya fuckin hold the piece like this, and ya fuckin cap that bitch nigger in the chest, fuuuuuuuuuuuck.'' Whatever bullshit he said, I always agreed with him. Who the fuck wouldn't? Meanwhile, all through the night we heard gun shots, tons of fucking gun shots, some were pretty far away, and some seemed very close. It was a war zone in there every night. The crew was freaked. So gang task force was called in to keep and eye on us as well. Now mind you, there are only about 6 guys on the crew that are white, including me, so I felt extremely out of place. If someone's going to get capped that night, I had a 1 in 6 chance of it being me. Great. Luckily, no one shed blood, at least no one on the crew. Hearing those gun shots all night though, some getting frightiningly close, I was starting to debate if working on this was actually worth the money. It turns out it was, because after 3 nights working in Hunters point, I walked out of there alive. Im one of about 15 of the only white men in existance that can say that. I know for a fact that I would not be alive today if we didn't have so many Police Officers, as well as Gang Task Force and Mafia up there with us each hellishly gnarly night.

Here is a Picture I found that gives an example of what I explained near the beginning of the story. Believe me though, this is just an example, as this picture is nowhere near as gnarly as the gangsters I saw, these look like wana be tools compared to the raw gangsters of Hunters Point.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Gnarly...enough said.

Bar Trick Of the Week

Make a small hill of salt on the bar, sprinkle some pepper on top. (The real challenge of this trick is not pissing off the bartender). Bet someone you can get the pepper off without disturbing one grain of salt.
Once the bet's set, take a plastic comb, run it through your hair a few times (shaved head guys need to stay away from this trick), then hold comb over the mound and let the static electricity attract the pepper grains.
This trick is a good way to pick nerdy girls...who are probably pretty freaky in the sack. Joy!

Gnarly Video of the week

The Stunts you are about to see were performed by a professional, under no circumstances should you NOT try this at home. Go gnarly or go home!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Gnarly Bar Trick of the week

Put a cocktail napkin over someone's drink. Put two quarters on the counter, and bet fifty cents that you can drink their entire drink without touching the glass or the napkin.

When they accept the bet, take off the napkin, pick up the glass and drink their fourteen- dollar drink. Then push the fifty cents at them and tell them they won the bet.

BMX...gone bad & gone for good.

I started boogie boarding...oops, out of respect for them, it's actually called BODY boarding. Wait, I don't have any respect for them, Boogie boarding it is! Anyways, I started when I was 3-4 years old, then moved up to surfing when I was 5. I started skateboarding at age 4, with a technique of pushing on my knees then standing up. At age 13, I was well into surfing and skateboarding, and I loved both with extreme passion. However, being the way I am, it just wasn't enough, so I decided to take up another sport. Eddie had a Mongoose BMX bike, and I decided it was the cheapest way to take up a new sport. I began to ride BMX, and convinced a few friends to start riding with me. We hit up local dirt tracks, but mostly did street riding. After a few months of riding, I was getting pretty good for a 13 year old but the fame was short lived. One sunny day I got a call from a friend who wanted to go riding, so I grabbed my bike from the backyard, and headed out. We rode for about an hour, then I decided I wanted to ride home really quick to get a sandwich, man do I love gnarly sandwiches. The more you stack into it, the better. So I head home to get a sandwich, eat it extremely fast, and head back out. As I'm heading down the street, I attempt a few tricks, bad idea. Right when I attempt one, my handle bars spin, and my front tire sticks, I flip over the handle bars and begin my decent toward the pavement, head first. I decide to break my fall with my arms, but instead I break my arm with my fall. As I'm putting my hands down, to break my fall, my left arm snaps, and my face is headed strait for the pavement. I guess my left arm didn't like my face, or liked it and wanted to give it some attention as well. You guessed it, my face went to prom with the rough gravely pavement, smashing my pretty face, taking much of my skin hostage as well as half of my front tooth. After my face was done beating the shit out of the pavement, I stumbled to my feet, disoriented and feeling pretty shitty. I stumbled home in the worst pain of my life at that point. I opened the door to my house and my mom stood there in shock, she almost fainted and I told her I needed a band-aid. After I calmed her down I got all bandaged up and went to find my missing half tooth. Gnarly.